O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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