You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
