Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Terrible idea I love it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
