I faked an abortion last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
