Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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