Betty ford says i'm here all night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
