I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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