Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
