ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
