Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
im on a boat
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