i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
