I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he shaved USA in his pubs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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