God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
