my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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