I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
