I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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