Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize