even my farts smell like vagina
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
