i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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