I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
