bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
