I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
