I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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