so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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