There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Are we still banned from the library?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
