a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
