Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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