im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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