I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
