you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
