No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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