Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
