watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
