did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
