so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how do flat chested girls get laid?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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