my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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