now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
