Plan B is the new Plan A
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
