Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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