Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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