i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
