my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
