Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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