i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
