Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
