Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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