I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
