No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
