The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
