hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
