I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
