I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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