goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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