I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
