She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
