i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
