dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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