This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
