look no pants
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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