Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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