The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
